Last night, Marty and I both determined we are in a state of confusion. We have been married for nearly 20 years. Most couples after 20 years know each other pretty well. Marty and I had a very strong relationship prior to his stroke. I'm not saying we don't now, it's just different.
I feel like we are dating and getting to know each other all over again. He doesn't remember me at all. He doesn't remember the things that I like to do. He doesn't remember the hot buttons that I have. He doesn't remember how things used to be.
Marty has changed so much, that I don't know him either. The things he used to enjoy, he no longer does. The things that brought him enjoyment before don't now. Sometimes it's in the little things, sometimes it's in the big things. Every Father's Day and birthday for as long as I can remember, Marty has requested breakfast for dinner. He no longer likes breakfast foods. When we would go out to dinner, he would order a baked potato and I would order a sweet potato. He no longer likes baked potatoes, but loves sweet potatoes. Marty would spend hours running and reading. Neither are enjoyable activities any longer.
We find ourselves in a lot of misunderstood situations. We are navigating new territory. I think he wants one thing, he wants another. He is trying to do something nice for me and it's just not my thing. Over and over again we are confusing each other. I suppose if I could remember back to what it was like to be a newlywed; it is a lot the same. We are trying to figure out how two different people can live, laugh and love in the same environment.
I am filled with a lot of emotions all the time. Marty is convinced I am angry. Anger is not one of the emotions I have felt. Confused, scared, tired, overwhelmed would be better descriptions. All emotions in me are exhibited with tears. I cry when I'm happy, sad, scared, tired, you name it. I must be a terrible person to read emotionally, since my reaction is the same regardless.
When I opened my computer this morning, there was an article from President Uchtdorf given at the women's broadcast last fall. I'm not sure who was reading it, but I'm grateful they were reading it and left it open for me to read as well. This talk struck me so much that I bought a small statue and posted a picture in my kitchen to remind me to forget not.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/forget-me-not?lang=eng
There are 5 things that as women we are never to forget.
- Forget not to be patient with yourself
- Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice
- Forget not to be happy now.
- Forget not the "why" of the gospel.
- Forget not the Lord loves you.
If you have never read this article, or you haven't read it in a while, I strongly recommend that you take a minute and do it. Sometimes I need a reminder that the Lord loves me. I need to pay more attention to the little sign and statue in my kitchen.
All 5 of these can be applied to my relationship with my husband as well.
- Forget not to be patient with Marty and myself.
- Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice. Make wise choices and make the most of my time with him.
- Forget not to be happy now. Celebrate every win. Enjoy the fresh perspective in life.
- Forget not the "why" of the gospel and the importance of eternal marriage.
- Forget not the Lord loves Marty, me and our girls.
