For the last couple of months, I have just been feeling run down. I had no energy to take care of anyone or anything. I would sleep well at night, wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. By lunch time, I could feel my body wearing down. At about three in the afternoon, I felt like I had been up for 48 hours. By the time I got home for work I was utterly exhausted. I would eat dinner, and simply go to bed, sometimes as early as 7:00. On one Sunday I actually laid down for a Sunday afternoon nap and didn't wake up until the next morning.
Marty and I were both concerned that there was something medically wrong that was causing this amount of fatigue. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. He too was concerned. He drew several vials of blood and ordered a nocturnal blood oxygen level check. 48 hours later the results came back with little conclusion. Blood oxygen levels are a little low, but not too bad. I need to breath a little deeper. All other test came back normal. Oh what a mystery. What is the cause of this fatigue?
Marty and Brother Gosney gave me a priesthood blessing for strength as I worked through this. I was counselled to take the time to care for myself. I was praised for the service that I give to my work, family, ward, neighbors, etc, but I also needed to give service unto myself.
This is a new concept to me. I need to serve myself? What does that mean? How can I serve myself?
Here comes the epiphany:
Matthew 25:40 says, "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren ye have done it unto me." I spend a lot of my day doing just that. Then I realized, I am also "one of the least". That isn't to say I am of no worth, but that I must spend time with and for myself.
When my cup runs dry, I have no more to give to others. I must keep that cup full. By filling my own cup, I can more easily fill the cup of others. I have made a resolve that I will spend a little bit of time each day doing something for me. That may be riding around with the wind in my hair listening to LOUD music. It may be walking the mall at lunch time. It may be taking a long bath or enjoying dessert with friends. It may even be spending a few extra minutes in prayer.
This past week I have been working on this. Has it solved my exhaustion? No, but it has made it
manageable. Day by day things get better. As I take time out of my day for myself, I have been able to feel the loving arms of my Heavenly Father wrap around me and give me the strength to carry on.
