Today was a lot better than yesterday.  We have both started taking Melatonin which is helping us both sleep.  I ended up being at work a little longer than I planned.  With drive time included, I was away from the house 6 hours today.  We exchanged emails and texts throughout the day.  He was complaining of his stomach hurting.  Not sure if he has is coming down with something, or just a nervous tummy.

When I got home, he was in much better spirits.  He had spent his morning reading.  If he can get the print large enough, he can read just about anything.  He may not understand or comprehend all of it, but he does love to read.  One of the books that was installed on his IPAD when he got it is called "1001 ways to be romantic".  He has this idea that he must be romantic.  He is up to about 100 or so that he has read. 

Which takes me to this video:




Can you believe how well he is talking?  His thought processes are coming along.  We are now just 5 1/2 weeks post stroke.  I remember here thinking that it would never happen.  Then, it has.

I have no idea what new romantic surprise Marty is working on, but he will sometimes say he is super tired.  I will ask why and he says it's a surprise.  I ask what it is.  He just says a surprise.  I guess we will all be surprised.

First off, I'm in a love hate relationship with my computer and blogger.  Blogger autosaves every 30 seconds or so.  My computer sometimes will highlight everything I have typed and erase it.  If the computer saves at the same time that my computer erases my typing, I lose everything.  that is what happened last night.  I was sooooooo mad.  This morning I will start over with an abbreviated version.

Yesterday was my first day back in the office since Marty's parents left.  I am most thankful that they were able to spend about 10 days with us post stroke so I could wrap up some things and prepare to work from home.  I am grateful that work has been so flexible and allowed me to work from home.  This has allowed me to both work and care for the basic needs that Marty has.  Over the last few weeks we have been working toward getting me back to work. That means teaching Marty to be independent and giving him the confidence that he is going to be okay and teaching him how to reach me if he isn't. 

We have taught him to text on his IPAD.  I have set reminders on his IPAD to remember to eat a snack.  I bought easy snacks and easy food for him.  Since he started really talking over the weekend, we taught him how to answer the phone.  We practiced calling me.  We set up a morning routine for him.  We were all set.

He then woke up yesterday very scared.  He cried most of the morning.  He was worried.  He was scared.  I don't understand all his fears, but I could tell it was really hard on him.  When I was ready to leave, he was already off his routine.  He hadn't eaten because his belly was upset from being scared.  I set out some easy foods for him to eat, reminded him he needed to shower and eat.  I told him Eric would be by later to visit, and I headed to work.

Eric came over to visit about 9:00.  Marty didn't answer the door.  Eric was concerned.  He tried to call me, but I was with my VP at the time and didn't answer.  He kept trying, but Marty wouldn't answer.  When I was finally able to call Eric, he was still sitting in our driveway 30 minutes later.  I called Marty and he answered right away.  I asked him if he was okay.  He said yes.  I asked him if he had heard the door.  NO.  He was downstairs napping and forgot that Eric was coming over.  Marty and Eric seemed to have a nice visit.  I will need to get Eric's take on it, but it seemed to be a good visit.

Marty had a nice visit with his primary doctor yesterday.  They were actually able to take him off some of his meds that have some side effects that we don't like.  Marty has just been super tired and having a hard time keeping his blood sugars regulated.  The doctor believes both are from medications, or at least partially from medications.  Hooray for 3 less medicines!

One the way home from the doctor, Marty got extremely emotional.  I had mentioned that I was going to work when we got home.  He became scared again.  The emotional roller coaster began, for both of us.  Thinking a shake might make him feel a little better, we stopped at Braum.  While our shakes were being made, it was apparent that the roller coaster of emotions was going to continue, not just for him, but for me.  I sent a text to my boss and let her know that I would not be working in the afternoon.

We spent the entire afternoon snuggling on the couch.  We talked about all the things Marty has learned to do.  We talked about what he can do independently.  We talked about how easy it is to get a hold of me at work.  We cried, we laughed, we hugged.  It was a nice way to spend the afternoon, reassuring each other that it was all okay.

Brendan came over to read to Marty.  Instead of Brenden reading, Marty read.  He read Dr Seuss's book, Oh the Places You'll Go.  It is so nice of Brendan to come visit.

When Brendan showed up, I realized I hadn't started dinner yet.  The girls are usually 10-15 minutes behind him.  Yesterday was Rylee's birthday and she had requested spaghetti tacos.  Thankfully that's an easy dinner so I left Marty with Brendan and went to make dinner.

I will save Rylee's brithday post for her party day.  Today was just a few gifts and cards.  The real celebration will be in a few weeks.  However, I can't believe that she is 14.  CRAZY!!

Marty had a few firsts yesterday.  He read scriptures with us during family scripture study.  Reading a scripture at Bishop Isabell's on Monday gave him confidence to try it yesterday.  He only read two scriptures, but it's a great start.  Marty also said the dinner blessing.  It is great to have him gain the confidence needed to try new things.  Every day he is able to do more.

Today I will be in the office longer than yesterday.  I can tell by Marty's face and voice that he is worried, but excited.  He was able to show himself yesterday that he could figure it out.  He is worried that Rylee will be worried about him when she leaves.  He will be just fine.  He has the skills needed to make it.  I have food set out for him.  There are a few things he know how to put in the microwave or toaster.  Our venture toward normalcy will continue today.

For now I will just post that I HATE blogger!!!!  I was just proofing a long post and it vanished!!!!  I am entirely too tired tonight to repost, but know that it was a hard, but good day!  We will try this recap again tomorrow!

Marty continues to be super tired.  Everything he does completely drains him.  He is napping multiple times a day.  However, the effort that he puts out during his waking hours is really pretty monumental.

Marty still really struggles with large amounts of people.  I think it is just overstimulating.  He does great one on one, but groups is hard.  Church yesterday just about did him in.  He left about half way through Sacrament meeting to sit in the foyer.  He stayed in the foyer through Sunday School.  He tried to go to priesthood.  During opening exercises, Will Sasine told Marty a story about Cody Hansen breaking his nose.  Marty got a serious case of the giggles.  He just couldn't stop laughing.  Once opening exercises was over, he went to Elder's Quorum.  However, shortly after it started, he just couldn't do it any longer.  It really wasn't the fault of anyone in there, but he just couldn't stay.

After moving out to the foyer, Katie Gulbransen stopped to talk to Marty.  Marty remembered Katie helping our girls out during a flight to Las Vegas that we happened to be on together.  Marty was overwhelmed with emotion when he remembered that.  Marty is very sensitive to his emotions.  Sometimes he refers to himself as a 20 year old baby.  I think it's sweet.

Every day Marty's verbal skills are increasing.  He saw his speech therapist last on Friday afternoon.  When he saw her again today, she remarked how much better he was speaking.  She just started talking to him about a lot of things in casual conversation.  At one point, his sister Becky came up in conversation.  Marty started to cry.  Amy was very apologetic for making him cry.  Marty said he'd rather talk about Becky than list the states in the northeast.  (lists seems to be the norm for speech therapy).  Amy said well noted and they won't do lists any more.

This evening we joined the Isabell, Glazier, and Siedel families for Family Home Evening at the Isabell home.  I was quite concerned that Marty would not be okay with so many people.  However, he did great.  He talked a lot.  Some of the people there had never heard Marty speak (at least in the last month).  They were shocked.  Marty actually read two scriptures out loud.  He hummed the opening song.  He noticed the smell of baby lotion when they were changing a baby's diaper in the other room.  He was able to share things he was thankful for. 

While we were there, Marty had a chance to talk to Bishop about some of his experiences.  Marty shared with him his struggles with anger.  He talked about wanting to blame someone.  When I told him there was no one to blame, he blamed God.  He then realized God wasn't to blame.  Since he had no one else to blame, he blamed me.  Then he realized that it is dumb to be mad at the person that does everything for you.  He then became mad at himself.  Then he decided it was dumb to be mad, so he stopped.  Funny how someone can just decide to stop being mad.  If you were to go back through the blogs you will find many days of anger.  However, we have made it three entire days now without a single angry outburst.  That's not to say there hasn't been emotion, because there's been plenty, but none has been anger.  It was great to hear Marty explain the process to Bishop.  Bishop recommended Marty read a poem call the Poison Tree.

I have had a lot of people ask me, how are you?  For a few days, I have decided to  write down how I feel.  You will see some adjectives repeated as I may have had the same emotion more than once over that time period.

humble
grateful
peaceful
exhausted
encouraged
thoughtful
angry
loved
tired
overwhelmed
nervous
thankful
overwhelmed
joyful
hopeful
anxious
worried
grateful
tired
excited
overwhelmed
humble
hopeful

So, now you know how I am!

http://www.zarahemlatimes.com/2011/11/name-them-one-by-one.html

Marty and I spent Friday night and all day Saturday in Springfield with Addyson.  This gave us lots of good time to reflect on where we've been and plan for where we want to be.

Marty is experiencing ever growing anger.  The anger is manifesting itself through words, tone, volume and actions.  Marty is not sleeping more than about 4 hours at a time.  Exhaustion on his part does not help with the anger.  I know when I am sleep deprived I am SUPER grouchy!  So you compound the frustration of not being understood, frustration of not understanding why a young healthy man can have a stroke, fear of judgement from others, frustration from not being able to do things with no sleep and you can see where this leads.

So, we have decided we are just going to do less.  I have been pushing Marty to talk more.  He has been pushing himself to do more.  We are going to do less.  He is down to 2 days a week therapy at Mercy.  We are finished with the multiple doctor's visits with all the specialists.  He'll have 1 visit a month with his primary care physician and that's all there.  We have decided to discontinue therapy with Roberta as this would be 2 more appointments a week.  We are going to allow some things around the house to slide.  If the floors don't get swept daily and only get mopped weekly, it will be ok.  If there is dust on the bookshelves, it will be ok.  If the afternoons are silent with no talking, it will be ok.  If Marty goes an entire day without saying a word, it will be ok.  We just have to do less.

This house will turn into a de-stress zone.  Our choices of music, entertainment, errands, appointments, must do's will change.  I am a firm believer in D&C 88:119

119 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

I think we can establish this by doing less.  This doesn't say we must be perfect.  We are to prepare every needful thing, not wantful thing.  We don't have to do everything.  We have to pray, fast, have faith, learn, worship, and take care of our needs.  We have been doing too much, but we can do the needful!