***WARNING*** This post does contain one mild profane word. 

Yesterday was primarily a day of silence for Marty.  He just seemed off kilter all day.  He didn't write anything to me.  He didn't say anything to me all day.  He played games, watched video clips and scrolled through pictures on his IPAD.  He tidied the perspective room and napped.  At one point I saw him writing a long list.  I asked what he was writing.  He showed me the top of the list "Things I want to do".  There are over 2 pages, but he won't share them with me yet.  I can sense his immense frustration.

He had an appointment with the speech therapist at Mercy at 5:30 yesterday.  As I was winding down with work, I asked him if he had been practicing his word lists Roberta gave him.  I told him he could show off to Ann at Mercy.  He sheepishly admitted to not practicing and grudgingly went through the list.

Speech therapy consisted of word association.  She would say a word such as bat and Marty was asked to think of a word such as ball.  It took Marty quite a while to first think of a word, and then remember how to say it.  However, he was able to do all of them (about 10 or so).  However when she said thunder, he stopped for the longest time.  He thought and thought and thought.  He couldn't get the word to come.  He finally nearly shouted "rain".  Ann and I couldn't help but to laugh.  It was obvious by his body language and facial expressions that that is not what he wanted to say and he was not pleased with the word he had chosen.

Ann then moved on to brand association.  She gave Marty a brand and asked for the product associated with each brand.  Again, it was laborious for him to complete, but he was able to do all but two.  He really had no idea what Bayer was associated with.  When she said Energizer Marty struggled and finally said "bunny".  Ann said, "I knew you were going to say that".  Bunny is an easier word for Marty to say.  She pushed him to continue to say the product.  All Marty could get out was "bat".  She asked if she could help.  She repeated one syllable at a time until he was able to say each one individually and then he was able to put them together to say "battery". 

She noticed Marty has the hardest time with words that start with his lips closed such as b, d, p, m.  She got out a metronome and had Marty repeat words after her to the rhythm.  She told him he could wait as many counts as he needed to get the word started, but once he started the word, she wanted it on the rhythm.  It was a very slow process sometimes waiting 12 or more counts before starting each word, but he was able to do it.

At the end of the 30 minute session, Marty looked beat.  He was frustrated with the process.  He was frustrated with himself and was just plain wore out.

On the way to the car, I asked Marty what word he had wanted to say with thunder.  He shrugged his shoulders.  I asked if he wanted me to tell him the word.  He shook his head no and motioned he could do it.  He then thought and thought.  He finally said , "SH*T".  I asked if that was the word that goes with thunder.  He motioned no, but motioned that was all he could think.  Oh the frustration.

We had planned on going to Walmart after therapy.  Marty was so wore out, I told him I was taking him  home.  He motioned he wanted to go to Walmart, so off we went.  On the way, Marty motioned he wanted a drink.  I started to exit the highway to go to Kum&Go but Marty motioned to keep going.  I told him I didn't know of another place for a drink.  He motioned that was the wrong kind of drink.  He was looking for something a little stronger :)  Oh dear, I think this whole experience may drive us both to drink :).  That's saying a lot since neither one of us drink, nor really have the desire to drink.

We had a nice leisurely stroll through Walmart doing our weekly shopping.  (Bought three dozen eggs so I can cook the brownies I was craving yesterday!) 

When we got home, Marty was instantly frustrated again.  The girls hadn't cleaned up after dinner.  It is not like Marty to get frustrated over things like that.  I had started the dishwasher after lunch but we didn't empty it before dinner.  When we got home all the dinner dishes were piled in the sink and on the counter and the dishwasher was running again.  No one would admit they re-started the dishwasher, or why they had restarted the dishwasher.  Not sure why Marty was frustrated with this, but he was visibly upset with the state of the kitchen.

Marty and the girls headed off to bed, while I cleaned the kitchen.  There's therapy in cleaning.  I love to see the quick progression from messy to tidy.

Marty did not sleep well last night.  He's already frustrated this morning.  I wish I knew how to ease his frustration.  I can tell he wants things to be back to normal.  I think normal is over-rated.  I keep telling him we'll find a new normal.  He doesn't want a new normal, he wants old normal.  I pray the Lord will help ease his burden and lighten his load.  We must endure to the end.