Today started off as a highly emotional day for me.  I didn't sleep well last night at all.  After laying in bed awake for an hour I finally got up a little after one and came out to the family room to read thinking that might help me.  When it was obvious that it wasn't going to, I decided I'd start a movie.  It's usually pretty easy for me to fall asleep to movies as I really don't enjoy them often.  I went back into the bedroom to grab a pillow and blanket.  When I walked into the room, Marty sat up and very clearly said, "What's Wrong, wh, wh, wh, wh, wh. . . . "  I walked around to his side of the bed and started rubbing his back until he laid down and went back to sleep.  He has no memory of this at all.  As I lay out on the couch watching my movie, I wondered, what if all of this is just a dream.  What if one day, Marty wakes up and regains all his abilities, memories, etc.  Wouldn't that be great?  Oh, a girl can dream.

As I was getting ready for work, Marty just seemed off.  I asked him what's wrong.  He wrote, "I dont want to fight any more".  I asked him if he wasn't going to fight, what was he going to do.  He wrote, "Maybe I should Be the Strong Silent type"  We mimed back and forth for a bit to try to give him some encouragement.  It must be terribly difficult on him. 

I recommended that he walk on the treadmill today.  He hasn't done that since his stroke.  He alternated one lap of running with one lap of walking.  He did a total of 2.5 miles today.  GO MARTY!!!

I will admit, I cried my way to work today.  I didn't want to leave my husband who said he was done fighting.  I didn't want to spend my day at work wondering what he was doing and if he was okay.  Thankfully for both of us, he had an appointment at 1 so I was able to come home and check on him mid-day.

Some of the things that Marty wrote during therapy today:

When asked if smells bother him "Not Bother, But I can Smell everything"  Marty has a very heightened sense of smell.

"When we went to church, I thought I was going to come unglued - a lot to take in"

"I like the Sound and the Beat But I don't understand the words"

"I now know why the First words people say are cuss words.  If I could say any word I want it would not Be Good!"  That is the first time he has used punctuation.

After his therapist left, we were talking.  He wrote, "Every day my Brain gets clearer At first not talking was not good But did not upset me Because I could not think well enough to have anything to say.  The more I understnad the more I want Everything Back to NORMAL"

"It makes me So MAD & SAD that all day long I try to talk and I can't or it's so HARD and when I don't try, at comes words"

"It's coming Back, Everyday more comes Back, but the more I underand the More I get Mad"

"I know I need to Help with Addy's car, with teh cooking, with Bills.  I know the thing on your leg is Because of you worrying about me.  I know Mom & Dad are too old and sick to Be Here taking care of me.  I just don't know what to do."

"PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER"

When his dad asked him if he learned any new words today he wrote, "Not that I should say in public"

After an emotional morning and afternoon, Marty had a terrible headache.  I suggested that he go to bed.  However he remembered that we had scheduled a Skype session with his sister and brother that live in Utah.  He really did want to see them.  He has been asking me to take him to see his siblings since he came home from the hospital.  He really does miss them. 

We had a great time with them.  Marty didn't say too much to them, but shared some humorous jabs back and forth with them via his writings. 

"Itsy it was better than his car" referring to his car he shared with this sister.  One of their friends made fun of it.

"You should take meds to forget" - Marty's comment to his sister that remembered way more things from high school than Marty did.

"Tony Dockery - Monday night after they lost the super bowl Jon made the trip in 45 min" - inside story I presume

"I remember a Day that mike Spent the whole Day in our little Pool"

"I Bought Him a Dr. Pepper" remembering when Marty took his brother-in-law to the ER after they tried to build a shed and it wasn't too successful

"Can't be worse than Dad" - referring to Marty's ability to drive

"If you could see what I look like after I run you would forget too" - comment made when his family asked if he remembers running yet - he doesn't

"He gets tired at a movie marathon" - comment made to his brother who is NOT a runner

"I forgot and was told over and over again" - Judy asked if Marty remembered that Becky had died

After a fun Skype visit we have spent the night relaxing.  Marty seemed to be energized by the visit with his family.  Technology is GREAT to be able to keep families connected. 

A little later our friends Hannah and Casey came for a visit.  This was their first time to our home.  Marty was awful tired, but stayed up to visit.  While talking to them about Marty's hard day, I think it was Casey that said something about tomorrow being better.  Marty wrote, "Maybe tomorrow I wont want to cuss or Kill anyone"  And that statement really sums up the way Marty felt about today.

Marty wrote, "At night I am tired But I feel more relaxed" "I was the same last night"  "During the Day I am very stressed"

I guess you could say it's been a bit of an emotional day.  Marty has hit a wall.  We have got to get him over this hump and ready to tackle the next one.

Patti that I had lunch with yesterday sent me a sweet followup note.  In that she referred me to this scripture in Jeremiah

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

It's always a nice reminder that the Lord has a plan and we should be at peace with that.