When life gets tough . . . make brownies.

I need to make this to keep around. . . Darn - one more thing on the to do list.

    6      cups          flour
    4      teaspoons     baking powder
    4      teaspoons     salt
    8      cups          sugar
    8      oz            unsweetened cocoa
    2      cups          vegetable shortening

Mix dry ingredients well, cut in shortening until evenly distributed (I used
my mixer). Put in airtight container, store in cool dry place. Use within
10-12 weeks.  Makes 17 cups of mix.

Brownies from the Make A Mix Brownie Mix

 2 eggs beaten
1 tsp vanilla
2-1/2 cups brownie mix
1/2 cup chopped nuts

Preheat oven to 350, prepare 8 inch square pan. Mix everything together and
dump in pan. Bake 30-35 minutes. Double the batch for a 9 by 12 pan.

  Short post about a stressful day yesterday!

1. lost my phone - didn't realize it until I was at work
2. emailed Marty to tell him I didn't have my phone so email me if he needed anything
3. Called Marty from my work phone to tell him I was on my way home - upset him because he thought I couldn't be reached via phone - we had never talked about my work phone
4. came home to find Marty very concerned that he couldn't get a hold of me during the day and he couldn't figure out how to re-call my work number
5. found my phone - in my church bag
6. allowed myself to become stressed over a discussion at work
7. Addyson's car broke down at the high school.  I fear it has finally given up the ghost.  We've owned the car for 10 year (bought it used) and have put nearly 200K miles on it.  We had it towed to our trusty mechanic Manny.  We'll see what he says today
8. spent the evening researching cars.  we had thought we would buy one car with our bonus money next week but perhaps now we will be buying two.
9. couldn't fall asleep because I was completely stressed out

This weekend I got to spend some awesome time with my husband.  It was a time to reflect back on the last nine weeks.  I think our server at dinner last night must have thought there was something seriously wrong.  At some point in dinner one or both of us were in tears.

We discussed that Marty isn't the same person he was last year or for the last 40 years.  He has some of the same personality traits, but others have changed, mostly for the better.  This means that I and others that know him, must get to re-know him.

So, what are some of the major changes?

1. Food - during the stroke, Marty lost most of his sense of taste.  Textures are a bigger deal now.  There are also foods that are an acquired taste that he no longer has that taste.  Because he doesn't remember what foods he does and doesn't like, he's willing to try everything (that's a change).  We have discovered that some of Marty's favorite foods are no longer his favorite, pie, cobbler, breakfast, spinach, pizza, burgers, just to name a few.  We have also found some new things he likes, Slurpee's & sweet potatoes for example.  It can be fun, yet challenging to plan meals around what we believe Marty will like, to discover he doesn't really like them.  It has been great having people bring in meals a few days a week as we get to try things that aren't part of our normal rotation and have become favorites of his.  Mashed potatoes, meatloaf, chicken pot pie . . . . really too many to list.
2. Opinions - In our relationship, I have generally been the opinionated one (okay, in life in general I am the opinionated one) and Marty has been passive.  Marty now has an opinion about everything.  It still catches me off guard from time to time.  I am finding that he is often right and I have not thought about it the same way he does.  I am thankful that whatever filter prevented him from sharing his opinions before has been lifted and we are able to make more collaborative decisions and have more lively discussions.
3. Driving - Marty used to love to drive and loved to take long road trips.  Now, the thought of driving to the store is difficult.  Driving in a city is simply not possible at this point.  Marty is not able to reason through tasks needed to drive, nor does he trust the actions of other vehicles around him.  I carefully plan the routes that I take based on the time of day and try to travel with him on the roads with less traffic when we must go out as to ease this strain on him.
4. Concern for self - Historically Marty has been focused on others.  He is still very focused on serving others but also has a realization that he must take care of himself.  I love this.  This past week he read that there are 4 things that if not recovered in the first 90 days after a stroke will probably never return.  These are strength, speech, problem solving, reaction time.  Marty's strength has fully returned.  His reaction time and speech are returning but not anywhere near complete and his problem solving is the most lacking.  Marty had the realization that he is only 4 weeks from the 90 day mark.  Panic set in.  We held a family council where he asked us to help him regain these skills.  We have a family plan and will be working very hard the next few weeks.